motorman

For those interested, I have had to spend the last two months of free time reconstructing my garage. This activity has interfered with my time to write to this site. Rest assured, I have a new post on new bike lanes (complete with pictures), but it will be a few days to complete. Thanks for your patience. Ride hard while the weather is good; ride harder while it is poor!

Minneapolis will soon be known for something new. For most they are cute and cuddly but for others they are simply a menace. Regardless of your position on the matter the proliferation of these creatures will not be sustainable and has to be stopped. For what is becoming a common occurrence in the city are the rascally rabbits. I am not a scientist but I have noticed more and more of these hoppers in and around the area, and sir, I do not like it.

A close friend asked me the other day, “Why do you care?” I have a number of reasons of concern for this growth in the rabbit population, but it comes down to two main points – one they have to eat, and two they keep on multiplying. If you have read between the lines of this post you probably have guessed that I have more personal vendetta towards these herbivores. Yes, yes I do.

It began a few years ago. motorwife is an avid gardener, a botanical artist, so we decided that the motorhome needed some landscaped pallets on which to create. We spent one entire summer pulling up sod, tilling earth, shoveling soil, compost, and mulch, and set over 400 9-lb brick pavers to edge these beds. This was pain-staking work, through the rain, heat, and winds of the summer. Fortunately, they look great and motorwife has really brought some life to these in the past years. The motorhome looks great. Unfortunately, all good must weather a storm or two to become great.

Shortly after the completion of the summer long construction project, we began to notice the presence of a new critter in the yard, a small grey-furred white-tailed rabbit came hopping through the back forty each dusk and again around dawn. We both thought this was great, this cuddly little creature hopping around the happy yard. What a slice of the American dream, the yard – our land – our sanctuary is inviting and welcoming to more of god’s creatures. The majesty of it all, ah, well that euphoria was short lived.

This creature of god, hero to millions of the world’s youth, has an unexpected hunger. It became evident to the two of us that it was not the tranquility of the yard and the beauty of the gardens that was drawing this rabbit to live with us at start and end of each day, for buggs has got to eat and we had the buffet of buffets for his gluttony. Shortly, the stalks, leaves and petals of a number of the plants that created the horticultural portrait disappeared. Slowly at first, then so quickly that it seemed like the autumn harvest was underway.

As soon became clear, the harvest that continues summer long, was due to buggs’ new and growing family. For the term “like rabbits” is there for a reason. This spring the family has grown into an extreme force. The first attack came early, and our tulips had no chance. Tasty, I am told. Then the assault turned to towards the hostas. “Hosta la vista” the battle cry of this conquering army. Our defenses were weak and after a number of applications of liquid fence we had no choice but to erect the chicken wire. Our once picturesque garden started to resemble the battlefield of Verdun (without the artillery impacts of course, but a devastated landscape none-the-less),

We are strong and we will rebuild. The garden enemies are now found hoping down more and more streets of the Minneapple, I even found them downtown yesterday. So the war will continue and the more battles will be forged. The question I keep asking is how aggressive will it become, I am reminded of the events of from Springfield were Homer and the gang were overrun by lizards or pigeons or something and the response was to find it natural predator to eradicate the herd. This continued up the food chain to the gorilla, then winter came to take care of them. Will be need to go to these lengths? I hope not, but in warfare common sense has a tendency to disappear. On to the battlefield and victory!

This evening I went to the fridge to retrieve a snack and I saw some of that great flashback from youth (i.e. oh the comforts of youth). It is the grand processed American cheese – individually wrapped for your traveling pleasure. I grabbed a slice; okay two. As I have grown older I have developed a deadly appreciation for cheese. Motivation to saddle up on the bike, I guess. Unfortunately there is a bigger problem to the universe than simply the threat of premature coronary embolism, I regret to have to announce it here at motorman, where we work for, and assume, the intelligence of the human race, okay at least the minimal intelligence of Americans. For goodness sake – IT IS AMERICAN CHEESE.

Continuing to digress a bit, we Americans have a namesake cheese that for aficionados is (1) bland, (2) over processed, and (3) has yellow that does not appear naturally in the cheese world and maybe only in the world of Crayola.

I pull this slippery slice out off the stack turn it over and see imprinted on the packaging “OPEN HERE 2”.

I pause. Let’s all pause.

Okay, has life become that complicated that we need direction to open the cheese singles? Come on, I mean it was never that difficult. As I think about it I blame the lawyers for this new symbol of American culture. I know most of you think I should blame the schools. But you are wrong. Here is why – don’t matter how dumb you be, if you need to eat, you get the cheese open.

The way I see it, someone allegedly fractured a bone, lost sight, became deaf, or contracted Alzheimer’s due to the lack of proper instruction on the cheese packet. Some juris doctor recognized this travesty and acted. In addition to a payment for suffering clearer directions must occur on the package.

Well we have a newly improved national symbol, cheese baby.

This is a moment to cherish and a major milestone for the motorman household. The room formally known as bathroom can once again proudly retake its title and place among its fellow rooms. For it is with great pleasure to announce that after 54 days without, there is finally a working toilet, sink and shower. It is especially gratifying to welcome shower into our lives, for this was not replaced it is a new permanent element for our enjoyment.

What I have learned through these last 54 days is enough to fill a series of epic novels with swash-buckling buccaneers, damsels in distress, the high seas, and international intrigue. Okay, maybe it was neither that exciting nor dangerous, but it was a long long time to wait. (more…)

Due to renovations at home my one-and-only full bathroom is nothing but studs, pipes and exposed floorboards. After a visit from the plumber three weeks ago where he roughed in the new bathroom an as a result removed everything that transforms ‘room’ to ‘bathroom’ showering requires a trip to the local heath club. I enjoy going to the health club to work out, but there is an aspect of this venue that was not all together evident until this need to use the shower only.

Americans are a strange bunch, must be the puritan roots, and Midwestern Americans are even more reserved. Be nice, and do not make a scene by drawing attention. This is okay for everyday life, I guess, I would not to want it to be ‘Be cruel, and make a scene’. But, I am finding that there is some sort of sphere that protects the locker rooms from the requirement to be reserved and clothed.

It is an extreme contrast on each side of the locker room door. I will get used to it, and hopefully in the next six to eight weeks the room will again become the bathroom.